Time Does Not Count

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” Its been almost two years now. Still thirteen chapters. I wonder when will I be able to complete it. Cannot even think of a good blog.  This block is suffocating”
With my hands in the pocket, I took another step towards the end of the road, at least we assumed there was an end. Emily was with me, the faint sight of her lost eyes was comforting in the chilling weather. She looked at me, no expression on her face, she said,
“You think too much, or maybe, you think very less. Try a drag of this cigarette, every artist needs it once in a while.”
She passed on the cigarette. I placed it in between my fingers and felt a sensation on them. Numb from the cold wind, the only feeling my skin had while holding the cigarette was suffocating.
“This thing only adds on to the blur of life. I am lost in the story and I would like to find things settled down. If the smoke from my mouth can shape a portal to things I cannot think about, only then I will commit an offence to the wind.”
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Portals to the things you cant understand? Here is something for you. Why can’t you move?
Everything stopped, I could not move my body.I could not even roll my eyes around to know if everything had stopped with me. I could not feel my heart as if everything had stopped and all senses numb.
What is this?
You wanted to know more, well you are in space without time, how does it feel?
I did not understand how I was emitting the question and the voice impacting the space, it had no source, it was everywhere. It said, space without time. Except for my thoughts, everything has indeed stopped.
If you want to move, leave the body. I am a ghost which unlike the common ghost exhibit a body but not time. You cannot see me in that flesh, the flesh cannot function without time. Humans are the creatures of time. You want to know more, Leave the flesh. For a while, everything will die, but you will live above your death.
How?
I said, die. Meditate your energy on the soul and die off time.
————————————————-14 December 2017——————————————————–
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“Meditate. I have to Meditate!” Everything resumed and my heart felt the same as if nothing happened. Emily looked at me, as I shouted.
“Sure, go ahead. Don’t scream. If only meditation helps you to write your book, go meditate.”
I looked at her, clueless about everything. I had to die, Something told me I had to die off meditating. I closed my eyes and brought all my focus to my forehead. My numbed body helped me forget everything.

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You are on your way, let them die now. Let Emily die.
With my eyes closed, I could sense the images around me. It was horrifying, I could sense that Emily was not breathing, and her cigarette started burning her. Her chest was on fire, and the fingers emitted smoke, the blood was forming vapours.
No! I love her.
Don’t love her, or else time shall arrive for you. This is not your world, son. Nothing you know exist without time. When you return, the world shall be alive. Let it die, for now. For now, the past has nothing to do with the future.
I kept my focus, the voice was hypnotic almost as if blending into my existence and not in my senses. I could not feel the world then, everything disappeared. I could not sense colours, or smell, or movement.
You cannot describe this to yourself. We are in a poem, written by the origin. You are infinite dimensions away from the origin here. In the time-space coordinate, almost 20 years from the instance of oblivious death to humane birth.
Whatever this is, whatever you are, take me back! I don’t belong here. Not right now, at least. Give me time, I am not ready for this.
Give you time? There are spirits here resting, getting ready to crossover infinity to meet the divine origin. And you ask me for time. You are meditating right. You want time, you shall get it. No artist good enough from the realm of time. You wanted to know more, but yes, not ready to know more. There is no now. Just open your eyes, the flick of your eyes, the movement shall make you live, and everything here will die. This is space, and remember, it is everywhere without time.
There was nothing I could think, I could not comprehend a single unit of my existence in this space. Everything I ever thought and now this, a void that defails my whole life. And it feels a lot more real.
You have written a lot, but now, you have to start fresh. Time does not count. Numbers are the tool of time to form a loop. One day in your world, Maths shall discover our trace. Spirit already exist without time. Visit me. But, remember once you return, forget the numbers and seek the essence. Don’t write things comprehensive to mortality, for you are the few minds that will remember this meeting. You will write this and the reader shall then seek redemption from the cage you exist within.

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————————————————-14 December 2017——————————————————–
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I was back. Emily was alive, the cigarette was burning in her hand. Everything else was a blur as the fog surrounded the sight. I took a deep breath in and smiled. Felt my heart move, almost as if more weak to the energies around me, forcing me to move and breathe. But I could smile, I had the idea. I knew what to write.
“Throw that cigarette, I know what I am writing for my next blog post.”

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Quasar & Love

I am an astronaut, writing something after forty years, or maybe one, I can’t calculate. And I need to write this down, to confess what has happened to me, to hold on to my crisis. I was in love, and we were lost in the stars together, literally. I don’t know about her, don’t need to, for I was all in the oblivion of space.

The spaceship broke down. From Earth to Detroit, the planet where we were supposed to land for the research. The spaceship broke down and Manik died, he was not wearing the spacesuit. Alex was with me, fixing the oxygen supply,  we floated away from the explosion to unknown infinities.

There are certain ideas that float around in the darkness, the idea of love, of being lost, of being alone. I came to space, for there were fewer things on Earth to live for, but it seemed that space ironically did not hold the capacity to undertake emotions.

I was in love with Alex, and I suppose any two humans can fall in love when lost. I cant say that about the earth, but we were clearly in the space, lost. I was lost in love. We waited to die, the oxygen tanks were remunerated to synthesis oxygen. Oxygen could not kill us. She asked me to break her case, to push my head into the glass, so that she can be one with the universe, and not alone, lost in the darkness with me. But, I. I still had the faith of being sucked into the existential plane somehow, moreover, I loved her.

We floated in space for some time. You see, even time cannot exist in the dark. We don’t know about the day and the night, but the fact, that we are lost. She slept a couple of times, and I had to hold her suit, I could not afford to lose the sight of Alex. I did not sleep, I had a feeling she will drift away.

Soon, I passed out into my subconscious. Death? Yes, very close.

But I am writing this, sitting on an unknown planet, just like ours, but not ours. I don’t know where Alex is, I don’t know earth exists. Whether they exist. They say there is a black hole, names Quasar nearby the planet and I was sucked into the warm hole to land on a space station.

I wish I had died, I see her everywhere. She is gone, of course. Everything, one day or the other gets to be one with the universe, I will have my day.

But, one thing that suffocates me in the natural air of this alien land, is the fact, that I never really knew the women I loved. Those two times, she fell asleep, I could feel my heart beat, just looking at her alone in the void, all mine, yet gone.

She never felt that way for me, of course. She was a scientist, a practical head, she knew, we could not live, together, forever, in the darkness. She wanted to leave the darkness, once in for all. It is alright, she was humane in our insane quest to death.

You see, what kills me, is knowing that I never knew Alex and I still fell for her. She rarely spoke a few words in front of me, but I as the imaginary head created this whole story up for my diary entry.

I created the earth, space, Manik, Alex and my alien persona just to know that I never knew any girl I loved.

But this new world is greeting me well, I am imaginatively disturbed but well aware of the new place, where realisation hit me hard and I fall at times, yet the black hole that consumed my space-time for me to stay alive on this new planet was the saviour.

I was lost, therefore I loved.

For now, when I hit the rock bottom,

I am, confused.

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Dear Piscean

I realize they never settle,

I realize they never look up to the sky,

To find the spirit resting the strings to our nerves,

Rather, they drown and try to seek life in our troubles.

 

But as the inhabitants of the sea,

You and I shall hold the tranquil harp of needs,

For only when the ocean is calm,

They will feel the strings from the moon,

Pulling the existence to paradise from the clay.

 

Arid to their cause, we were blinded,

But always, and often their lucid dreams would tell,

That the souls rest on the verge of the waterfall,

Just like another one from the seas,

Seeking the symphony beyond the terror of deeds.