A few days, since yesterday, the pain has settled. If not settled, my mind has forgotten how to address it to the trees around me. I am happy to be alone, I asked my sister to take away Flake. No dog should ever witness the death of his owner. Unlike my family, he won’t understand my philosophy to smile away the last few seconds of my life.
I was ready, and the tumour was only a tool to ride the ladder. I don’t know if I was hungry. I was comfortable on my chair, looking at the door, accumulating all my spiritual energy to feel the light that never falls out of my universe.
Anytime now, God shall open that door to the void of existence. I will be one with the cosmos, it was time.I knew it all, a swift of the stars and then I can fly.
I heard the knock on the door, this could be anyone. Not my family, they respect my space, not my students, we already made peace with my death last month, not anyone I would not want to talk to on my last day.
“Come inside, if you are death. If not then there is a life out there for you. This old man cannot possibly help with life. Read some books, there are some resting near the broken car. Come inside, if you are death.”
“I have no intentions to make you feel. I come here on a selfish account.”
“It has been 7 years, Erika. I still remember your voice at the back of my head. The only woman I love, why have you come here. Leave. Don’t make this beautiful moment delay.”
“I feel you need some answers.”
“I don’t. I know it all, or maybe I don’t know anything. Never knew anything. I decided I will wait for you. Well, I cannot anymore. I am sure you still have reasons. I hope you have a great life. Now, leave.”
The door opened and then I saw the last thing any man would want to see in life. There she was, her long hair reaching out to perfectly curve waist, she was wearing one of those long dresses, a blue one, of course. Erika did not change. But, I never truly knew her. I just love her. She took a few steps and I could not move, Not because my body was cramped in every way, but that’s how it always used to be, her sight made me forget everything.
She held a violin to my heart,
Played along the strings
Till I fell asleep.