Surreal

Surreal is thy flow that befalls reality into the arms of the divine.
Surrender in love.
To greet the skies.
Alive.

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Parts and pieces

The Caravan

The crescent moon far far away in the dark sky or the sound in the air that passes by me, There’s a part weaved from them inside of me.
The green that I see in the trees or the tranquility in the water I feel, I possess the same somewhere in my being.

This sense that I feel, I see or I hear. Do these trees, this water, this air, do any of these feel me anyhow? I think they do. More than their piece that I have. There’s a piece of mine there and here, far away and so near.

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Jane Tu Ya Jane Na

It had been a while since I took in oxygen and the essence of life reached my heart. I think that’s how we grow, building walls across the sole existence of our true self. It hit me when she said,
“You cannot really love, you barely know what love is, you don’t know. But you think you know, maybe to know, you just need not know. That’s what I know, that I don’t know love, maybe that’s why I don’t have to be someone else with you. I feel amazing around you. That’s what we need, right now.”

So, I am in a middle of a messy schedule, a beautifully wrecked idea of life, but a recovered idea of self.

Hi,
It had been such a long while and now, we are here again. I am your writer alter- ego. No, I am not like Coleridge or Wordsworth. I am more like you, but always so far away from you. Sleeping in the corners of your untidy space, partying with the dying stars in the darkness of your negativity. Oh, my favourite place is the void. The void, where you used to keep yourself obliviated from everything. You still don’t really know reality and you smile while typing all of this? Well, that is you. That is what you have always been, but the superego hates us, isn’t it? I mean, superego hates not knowing and expressing these sentiments. But we still smile while typing this.

It is funny and beautiful. She is funny and beautiful. Life? Metaphors?

Oh, just stop already.

31st April, 2040

A few days, since yesterday, the pain has settled. If not settled, my mind has forgotten how to address it to the trees around me. I am happy to be alone, I asked my sister to take away Flake. No dog should ever witness the death of his owner. Unlike my family, he won’t understand my philosophy to smile away the last few seconds of my life.

I was ready, and the tumour was only a tool to ride the ladder. I don’t know if I was hungry. I was comfortable on my chair, looking at the door, accumulating all my spiritual energy to feel the light that never falls out of my universe.

Anytime now, God shall open that door to the void of existence. I will be one with the cosmos, it was time.I knew it all, a swift of the stars and then I can fly.

I heard the knock on the door, this could be anyone. Not my family, they respect my space, not my students, we already made peace with my death last month, not anyone I would not want to talk to on my last day.

“Come inside, if you are death. If not then there is a life out there for you. This old man cannot possibly help with life. Read some books, there are some resting near the broken car. Come inside, if you are death.”

“I have no intentions to make you feel. I come here on a selfish account.”

“It has been 7 years, Erika. I still remember your voice at the back of my head. The only woman I love, why have you come here. Leave. Don’t make this beautiful moment delay.”

“I feel you need some answers.”

“I don’t. I know it all, or maybe I don’t know anything. Never knew anything. I decided I will wait for you. Well, I cannot anymore. I am sure you still have reasons. I hope you have a great life. Now, leave.”

The door opened and then I saw the last thing any man would want to see in life. There she was, her long hair reaching out to perfectly curve waist, she was wearing one of those long dresses, a blue one, of course. Erika did not change. But, I never truly knew her. I just love her. She took a few steps and I could not move, Not because my body was cramped in every way, but that’s how it always used to be, her sight made me forget everything.

She held a violin to my heart,
Played along the strings
Till I fell asleep.

If

If I ask you to die, tonight.
Will you, speak out the entire lie.
I will run down your spine,
To tell you, that it’s alright.

If I ask you to dance the night.
Will you, spill colours of the dying light.
To wake up within, without me.

If I ask you about our love,
Will you, stay the entire time, saying nothing but singing away my life,
For in love, we dream no need.

I have asked a million things,
I have only one answer, I do.
I will never ask you if you do,

If you don’t.

 

Blind Blood

You remember that day when you placed the sword on my neck, just forcing my skin to sense intimacy, I told you I was alright. Maybe, I was not.

I liked the way you looked at me. Blind in love, pulling roses out of the red blood that left my body to feel blue. You looked at me smiling and I smiled back, as my knees met the ground.

You never knew love, neither did I. I felt something, pain. You must have felt something, must have sensed something. As I leave you forever, and my blood hides in the sand, you must have felt something.

I lived my life hoping you felt something and that’s how I died, hopefully.