Quasar & Love

I am an astronaut, writing something after forty years, or maybe one, I can’t calculate. And I need to write this down, to confess what has happened to me, to hold on to my crisis. I was in love, and we were lost in the stars together, literally. I don’t know about her, don’t need to, for I was all in the oblivion of space.

The spaceship broke down. From Earth to Detroit, the planet where we were supposed to land for the research. The spaceship broke down and Manik died, he was not wearing the spacesuit. Alex was with me, fixing the oxygen supply,  we floated away from the explosion to unknown infinities.

There are certain ideas that float around in the darkness, the idea of love, of being lost, of being alone. I came to space, for there were fewer things on Earth to live for, but it seemed that space ironically did not hold the capacity to undertake emotions.

I was in love with Alex, and I suppose any two humans can fall in love when lost. I cant say that about the earth, but we were clearly in the space, lost. I was lost in love. We waited to die, the oxygen tanks were remunerated to synthesis oxygen. Oxygen could not kill us. She asked me to break her case, to push my head into the glass, so that she can be one with the universe, and not alone, lost in the darkness with me. But, I. I still had the faith of being sucked into the existential plane somehow, moreover, I loved her.

We floated in space for some time. You see, even time cannot exist in the dark. We don’t know about the day and the night, but the fact, that we are lost. She slept a couple of times, and I had to hold her suit, I could not afford to lose the sight of Alex. I did not sleep, I had a feeling she will drift away.

Soon, I passed out into my subconscious. Death? Yes, very close.

But I am writing this, sitting on an unknown planet, just like ours, but not ours. I don’t know where Alex is, I don’t know earth exists. Whether they exist. They say there is a black hole, names Quasar nearby the planet and I was sucked into the warm hole to land on a space station.

I wish I had died, I see her everywhere. She is gone, of course. Everything, one day or the other gets to be one with the universe, I will have my day.

But, one thing that suffocates me in the natural air of this alien land, is the fact, that I never really knew the women I loved. Those two times, she fell asleep, I could feel my heart beat, just looking at her alone in the void, all mine, yet gone.

She never felt that way for me, of course. She was a scientist, a practical head, she knew, we could not live, together, forever, in the darkness. She wanted to leave the darkness, once in for all. It is alright, she was humane in our insane quest to death.

You see, what kills me, is knowing that I never knew Alex and I still fell for her. She rarely spoke a few words in front of me, but I as the imaginary head created this whole story up for my diary entry.

I created the earth, space, Manik, Alex and my alien persona just to know that I never knew any girl I loved.

But this new world is greeting me well, I am imaginatively disturbed but well aware of the new place, where realisation hit me hard and I fall at times, yet the black hole that consumed my space-time for me to stay alive on this new planet was the saviour.

I was lost, therefore I loved.

For now, when I hit the rock bottom,

I am, confused.

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The Black Hole 

Steal me? Can you heal me? 
Broken in verses, from all the love.

Feel me? Sense my dreams and deeds,

With time that bleeds out of our singularities. 
Not a song, holding on,

All my words, were so wrong,

Where I would belong? 
Steal me? Can you heal me? 

I am calling out the verses of my empty thirst,

Believe me? 

I don’t need cigarettes,

And ashes,

And screaming,

And lashes.

But, you,

The divine empty skies,

And the rhyme of the time.

 

Steal me? Can you heal me? 

I am lost in love, with the universe,

With lies and lust,

With broken trust.

Of all that hurts,

Of all that burns,

You, stay dead,

You, the infection in my head.

Electrons and Poetry

Felicity a while? It has been a long,

Each quantum shift, an infinite analogue.

Velocity and wine? Ever satisfied?

But, for many analogues, I have been drunk.

 
Revolving for the rest,

Few of us, and then, the stars.

If I leave my plane of being,

Humans might catch hold of me.

 
I move with the valiant colours in the night,

Felicity a while? It has been a long.

 
You, don’t know what I mean?

Each stroke of ink lies in the same fields,

All of my fellow negative bonds will break,

With each word, the vision will displace.

 
Felicity a while? It has been a long

Since, an electron is never defined,

Implying poetry is all divine.

Alas, my movement is the colour of your mind.

The Stars on her Black Dress

Almost a decade and there she hides,

Underneath the open skies.

Cognition failed to read her eyes,

When she glared upon the flawless night.

 
Another decade further drags of space elongating with time,

And there she hides, underneath the smoke in the skies,

The stars, she adored had locked their doors,

No cognition could now suffice,

For she fell in love, with a man who drew a tiny light

To heal the haze of the smoky night.

 
A few years to heal her lies,

A few kisses to fade her mind.

She was lost, from her journey to the stars,

For the light of the man was oblivion to let her feel the raging scars.

 
And then one night he left her there,

In the dark wilderness,

In love, dejected in despair.

She screamed, she cried,

She was lost in the dark night,

For no light and cognition could foretell her the dreamy lies.

 
It has been months, in the wild,

And I hope somehow, she reads this rhyme.

If not the black ink,

Then her own black threads,

The dress she wears in the dark times,

Will remind her of the decades that died.

 
When the glimpse of hope will hit her dress,

The spark will reflect the forgotten breath,

And when she reads,

Or when she stalls,

The glimpse will guide her to the hall.

 
Almost a decade and there she used to hide.

Never to be known,

Talking to the stars in the night.

 
This is where the ink shall dry,

The darkness shall collide,

And her face shall meet the dying the night,

With tears in her eyes,

She admires the stars,

With tears in her eyes,

She redeems the truth in her past.

 
Here, she lies underneath the skies,

Talking to the child, that was lost in the wild.

No drugs, no cognition can heal her eyes.

For, there is no flaw in the night.

 

 

 

 

Photography by SUBHI SACHAN

She has been the inspiration to many of the blogs on this website. Check out her amazing work here

Pensieve Of Memories

The chamber of Albus Dumbledore,

Never truly exhibited matter,

It transcended from an aura to another,

From an eye to the mind.

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Within the bloodstream,

Interstellar to the eye,

There rest a memo of the nights,

A canvas of mystical lies,

A pensieve of time.

The hold is called upon to breathe the sea,

A stream of possibilities and dreams,

Named the soul by some,

She fills and drains through each sleep.

The substance is not to be believed,

Not liquid, not gas, not a dream.

The soul is just, asleep,

Floating through the memories.

Albus, Severus and others live through the stone,

Wandering as the gods of unknown,

A sense that elaborates no sense,

Shall weave the universe onto the redemption of each thread.

Sketch by Vaibhav Gupta

Together, Tonight.

We shall stay together, tonight. With living lies, fooling the time,

We shall breathe together, tonight. With weary eyes and lines that never shall rhyme.

I am the ocean, and she lives, through the skies, I am calm, She is always on her highs.

If one of us leave our town, If we ever collide,

The mind that deceives us, the root of every lie shall die.

Our kiss, suffocate them,

Our inmate jest can burn the land of the rest,

Lovers be the serene dream,

Tonight, we shall be lost as the breeze.

We shall stay together, tonight.

With weary lines that never should lie,

Nor Rhyme.

Sketch by Vaibhav Gupta

From You | For You

Somewhere down the life line,

You will meet everything that was hidden from you;

For you.

Somewhere in the obliviated lies,

You will be lost in the meadows of the time,

Your high;

My mind.

Junctions of the verge that collide with the universe,

Allegory of the words that defines the desire of this urge.

Karma, physics and allegory shall suffice,

The momentum of the stars that ruin this life.